


The Basics of Being a Lady

by russian_blue



Category: K-20: Kaijin nijuu mensou den | K-20: The Fiend with Twenty Faces (2008)
Genre: Chromatic Character, Chromatic Source, Gen, Japanese Character, Yuletide Treat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-12-18
Updated: 2010-12-18
Packaged: 2017-10-13 18:36:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/140417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/russian_blue/pseuds/russian_blue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A brief post-film caper.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Basics of Being a Lady

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Aris Merquoni (ArisTGD)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArisTGD/gifts).



**Teito, Japan, 1950**

Baron Ikari consulted his pocket watch impatiently, wondering how much longer he would have to wait for his brother and all the rest of the men. Weddings required an absurd amount of preparation -- the grooming, and all that archaic clothing -- and if they didn't join him at the beauty parlor soon, the ceremony would be delayed.

He hardly cared about the ceremony itself; they already had the official marriage certificate, so all the rest of this was just a tedious show. But the sooner it was done, the sooner he could return to the laboratory. With his new father-in-law's money backing their research, they could stage their first test launch of the Verne rocket before the end of the year. It was imperative they do so soon; some of the newspapers were beginning to publish rumours about the Imperial Air Service conducting secret experiments, and people were becoming far too curious. Before long, the Soviets would know Japan had one eye on outer space.

He found himself consulting his watch again, and made himself put it away. What had that old man Genji said? Something about a street festival blocking traffic. _Damned peasants, getting in the way,_ he thought, twisting his signet ring around his right pinkie. If his secretary hadn't mis-recorded his own appointment time, writing it down as half an hour too early, Ikari would be caught out there right now.

A timid knock on the door interrupted his thoughts. "Come in," he said.

Ikari expected one of the beauty parlor attendants, or that fellow Genji again. Instead the panel slid aside just far enough to admit a woman in ornately embroidered clothing. She shut the door behind herself and bowed, and only when she straightened did Ikari realize it was his bride-to-be.

"Miss Hato," he said, startled. She was already dressed for the ceremony? He would have expected that to take another hour, at least. Ikari almost didn't recognize her, what with the layered, old-fashioned kimono and the elaborate makeup. She even seemed taller than he remembered, from their few brief meetings during the _omiai_ process of arranging their marriage.

Taller, and a good deal bolder: he never would have expected a meek creature like Baron Hato's daughter to come to him like this, in secret, before they were even married. She wasn't a mad creature like Duchess Yoko Hashiba.

Miss Hato bowed again. "Baron Ikari. I'm sorry to disturb you, but -- have you seen my hairdresser?"

Bemused, he shook his head.

The young woman giggled nervously, flicking open her fan to conceal the lower part of her face. "She wandered off, and I don't know where she's gone. No one else is here yet, but I heard your voice in the hallway a little while ago, so . . . ."

Deeply unsatisfactory service, all around. He would have words with Genji before the day was done, or whoever was actually in charge of this place. "Would you like some black tea?" Ikari asked, to cover the awkwardness.

"Let me pour for you instead!" Miss Hato exclaimed, rushing toward the side table where the tea-tray waited. But her legs caught in the heavy skirts of her robe and she fell; Ikari leapt to catch her. The two of them staggered for a moment, Miss Hato clutching for balance at his right hand, and then they lurched sideways into the table, where somehow the bowl of slops was upended over him.

"Oh, I'm so sorry!" Miss Hato cried out in mortification. "I'm so clumsy -- it's this kimono, I'm not used to it -- oh dear, the old leaves are all over your hands --"

"I'll wash them off," Ikari said, annoyed, drawing away and going to the sink in the corner.

But Miss Hato pursued him. "Please, let me wash them for you!" she insisted. Suiting deeds to words before he could refuse, she snatched up the soap, and began to scrub vigorously at the tea leaves stuck to his fingers, with little care for the water splashing onto the cuffs of her ornate clothing.

The soap made his hands slick, to the point where his signet ring slid dangerously loose. If it fell down the drain, there would be a great deal of trouble; that ring was his key into the room where the Verne rocket prototype was kept. Ikari pulled his hands free, with too much force. Soapy water splashed onto the front of Miss Hato's kimono.

This time, she noticed it. "Damn it!" she wailed.

"'Damn it'?" Ikari repeated, eyebrows lifting in surprise. "That's not an expression I often hear out of ladies."

Miss Hato had turned off the water and snatched up a towel to blot at the damp silk, but at his words, she flushed red and fumbled out her fan again, hiding behind it. "Oh! I -- I can't believe I said that --"

So Miss Hato had some lower-class habits of speech, did she? He wondered where she had picked those up. Surely she didn't consort with such common people herself. "This is unlike you, Miss Hato."

He saw her answering wince in the tightening of her eyes, above the edge of her fan. "I'm just so nervous, my lord. I never believed you would consider me as a wife; when the duchess brought word that you were willing to meet me, I was so happy. And then when you accepted, I -- I --"

Words, it seemed, were not enough to express Miss Hato's joy. With sudden, impulsive force, she threw herself forward -- this time without tripping -- and pressed her lips to his.

It was hardly the first time an impressionable girl had flung herself at Ikari; he was, at twenty-eight, the youngest general in the Imperial Air Service, and he'd of course worn his dress uniform during the _omiai_ , which always made him look his best. He was deeply startled, though, that the meek young daughter of Baron Hato would be so strongly moved that she couldn't even wait for their wedding to be completed.

Her kiss was a comically awkward thing, until Ikari took control, showing her how these things were done. She let out one muffled noise of surprise, then relaxed into it. Her fingers tangled in his, twining and stroking -- and then she pulled back as abruptly as she'd advanced.

Breathing hard, Miss Hato adjusted her disarranged robe. "Oh," she said, "I think I hear my hairdresser out in the corridor. I -- I will see you soon, my lord." With a hasty, awkward bow, she vanished.

Leaving Ikari to stare after her, wondering what on earth had just happened. He straightened his signet ring, which had gotten twisted around during the brief encounter, and then pulled out his pocket watch to consult it again. The sooner this ceremony was done with, the better.

***

Yoko hummed cheerfully to herself as she worked, pinning another section of hair into place. Kikuko was better at this, but Kikuko was busy, organizing the Nogami children and the people of Thieves' Alley into a suitably chaotic parade outside. It was clumsy, but necessary; they couldn't have two families running around the salon right now, getting in the way.

From the doorway behind her came an alarmed voice. "What did you _do_ to her?"

The question made Yoko botch the placement of the final comb. Frowning, she fixed her mistake, then smiled down at the somnolent form of Miss Hato, propped up with pillows so she would not tip over. "I put a sleeping pill in her tea," she told her partner in crime, with cheerful pride.

" _Why?_ " Heikichi demanded. It was almost a wail.

"Well, I couldn't risk her recognizing me."

She heard Heikichi shut the door hastily behind himself, as if the thin panel would keep their voices from carrying. "I told you: with a comb in your hand, you become a hairdresser --"

"And when you change your appearance, until there's nothing left of yourself, you have mastered the art of disguise." Yoko quoted the manual with formal precision. "But I have _not_ mastered the art of disguise, not yet; I've only been practicing a little while. And Miss Hato and Baron Ikari both know me too well. This way, nobody will notice anything." She turned to share her bright smile with Heikichi. "Did you get the ring?"

Heikichi dropped his rubber mask and dug in the folds of the wedding kimono, surfacing at last with the heavy gold signet in his hand. "Wonderful!" Yoko said. "I never would have suggested Baron Ikari to the Hato family if I'd known about this dreadful rocket of his. Now, let's get you out of Miss Hato's clothing before she wakes up, and then we'll raid the laboratory while they're busy with the ceremony."

She had to help him; the elaborate outfit, with all its layers and cords binding them into place, was more than one person could be expected to manage. Heikichi had complained the entire time she was putting it on him, insisting nobody could possibly walk in such a thing. It would have been far easier for Yoko to impersonate Miss Hato, but she hadn't yet practiced enough to be sure Ikari wouldn't notice anything amiss.

The mask had covered only part of his face; they'd done the rest with makeup. And the makeup, Yoko saw, was smeared. Putting her hands on her hips, she said severely, "I hope you didn't do anything that will embarrass Miss Hato later."

Heikichi froze, going red; his hand twitched the fan, as if he was about to hide behind it as she'd taught him. Then he said hastily, the words falling over each other, "The helicopter's on the roof, right? Yes, of course. We'd better go, don't you think?"

Yoko sighed, but let him seize her by the wrist and drag her toward the door. He was still her superior at the art of disguise -- but he had a long way to go before he mastered the basics of being a lady.

**Author's Note:**

> (I'm not your assigned writer; I just wanted to share my love of this fabulous movie!)
> 
>  _Omiai_ (or less formally, _miai_ ) is the traditional way of arranging marriages in Japan. Families recruit a _nakoudo_ \-- usually a well-placed friend or relative -- to assemble a list of potential mates for their son or daughter, examining their lineage, education, income, and many other details; the _nakoudo_ then acts as a go-between to the chosen candidate. It's much less common nowadays than it used to be, but I figured the nobility in 1950 alternate-history Japan would favor that process over more modern/Western love matches, just as they would favor Shinto weddings over the more recent adoption of Christian or civil ceremonies.
> 
> As a surname, _Hato_ can be written with several different kanji, but it's also a homonym for "dove." I originally chose it when I thought Miss Hato was going to be a fictitious identity, rather than a real impersonation, because the term would point at both Yoko and Heikichi. By the time the plot settled down into its current configuration, I was used to the name, so it stayed.
> 
> The title is, of course, one of Yoko's lines from the film. I considered subtitling it with the actual Japanese line, which sounds to me like _gyoukei no shijo no tashinami desu_ , but I ran into difficulties with figuring out what exactly that means. The latter parts seem to be "a girl's preparedness;" _gyoukei_ , though, defeated the translation efforts of three (non-native) Japanese speakers. Our best guess is that it's a term glossed in one dictionary as "attendance (of the Empress)," but that seems to indicate the Empress' attendance (at, say, a shrine), as opposed to a lady-in-waiting attending the Empress. The joke probably works better in English, anyway, but if anybody reading these notes can provide clarification on the original Japanese, I would be much obliged.
> 
> (After the Yuletide authors are revealed, I will edit this to add thanks to those who helped me out with the story.)


End file.
